Wake Me Up Inside
A Writer's Guide for Recovery
“It’s time you and I sit down and have a talk. I don’t even know what to say, because I don’t know what was said. All I know is ‘a lot was said.’ And I realize it was not all you, but you were the catalyst which ignited the flames of pain in my heart. My heart burned from the acidic words, which you helped spread. My identity was rebranded with the hot iron of your post. Your words caused so much damage but were much needed.
“I do not blame you alone but made a choice not to delve further in the who, why, or what. Your sweet face is representative of the anguish thrust upon my heart. You are so much younger with so much hope.
“A deadly combination, my news and your phone were all it took. Once my news hit the cellular waves, the damage was done. With no regard to the impact of others. Sure, I brought on the expected impact of my actions, but together our actions didn’t only affect me. I am strong and resilient. My heart could take the heartache you produced. Others were impacted by the added stress of your actions. Their aging hearts were sent to the hospital once you unfurled your fate of our family.
“Spreading news that is not yours to spread on social media doesn’t only impact the intended target but touches everyone else in their lives. If I were your mother, I would have sat you down to consider this, and it would have helped minimize the damage to others. But then again, daughters learn so much from their mothers, which I know all too well.
“Honestly, I don’t know you from Adam, so when I heard the news was initiated by you, it took me by surprise. I chose not to do a full-on investigation but to sweep the burnt embers of myself into a heap to dispose of, choosing to be re-created into a woman not worthy of such attention.
“In the end I must thank you. It was your actions, your match that combusted a once-prideful woman to ashes. The carbon within my cremated remains was enough to produce the most exquisite diamond.”
– Dialogue between me and the purveyor of my news
To learn more about A Writer’s Guide for Recovery read Cleaning Up My Confusion and the introduction, A Writer’s Guide to Recovery.
Chapter Synopsis—Wake Me Up Inside
Chapter One in Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery was originally slated to be Chapter Sixteen. I consider this the most powerful, impactful chapter of the book. It is a climatic part of my story sharing my rebirth and explaining what transpired for the phenomena to take place. The stage is set for why we need to remain open to the possibility to a higher power.
The previous italicized script is the introductory of the chapter, highlighting a few of the themes. This past week during a webinar with a literary agent I learned that up to 10% of sharing content is acceptable prior to seeking publication. Each post I will include the chapter’s introductory and conclusion.
The body is detailed in an outline format. Below is the central argument and the chapter outline should strengthen the argument. Finally, the conclusion was revised to entice the reader to follow along and introspect their life.
Central Argument
I went through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems–me! I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.
Themes
Themes: Identity, Transformation, Amends, Tolerance.
Although identity is the central theme of being reborn, this chapter weighs heavily on amends, including mercy and forgiveness. A publishing editor noted this being a dominate theme of the book. Amends is a vital step for recovery and it is important to understand our part to initiate healing.
Theme Song
Music plays a vital role in my recovery. I equate music and lyrics with my life experiences. I have received positive feedback with readers and publishers resonating with my story through the use of music. Because of copywrite law I do not share lyrics, but encourage the reader to listen to the song and how it applies to the story. Evanescence, Bring Me To Life is the theme song for Wake Me Up Inside.
Themes
Identity
My identity was rebranded with the hot iron of your post.
My identity was shaped by my actions and how others viewed me. A second chance at life gives me the opportunity to create an ideal woman that I strive to be. We should not be defined by our past but the person we are capable of being.
Transformation
The carbon within my cremated remains is enough to produce the most exquisite diamond.
When we strive to be a better person we are choosing to transform our lives. We make a conscious decision to do away with what doesn’t serve us. It is through my personal experience of being reborn that brought about this change in my life.
Action Plan
Chapter One lays out the action plan for my transformation to take place.
Isolation
Although we ourselves are capable of change our surroundings can keep us from doing the required work. Being dependent on others (codependence) prohibits our growth. Isolation allowed me to turn towards God for help and that is what gives me the internal drive for change.
Social Media
It was your actions, your match that combusted a once-prideful woman to ashes.
God knew for me it would take an event to fully surrender, to be born again. But an arrest alone wasn’t going to suffice. I determined it is my pride, not the alcohol, that keeps me from healing. It is through social sharing where I felt the condemnation and I needed a reprieve from social media.
Timing
God’s timing was perfect. Because of the condition of my heart I was receptive to accepting Jesus and being reborn. It just so happened to be Holy Week.
Shame
My body needed to be cleansed of the guilt and shame of my past. My internal shame due to my actions and shame thrust on me by my community was the motivator for change.
Humiliation
Humiliation keeps us from wanting to deal with our shame. It’s tough to accept that our actions are the root of our problems. Humiliation comes from within.
Judgement
Judgement on the other hand is how other’s perceive us. I felt judged by my community. And I constantly judged others.
Amends
Throughout life we hold onto our past transgressions or transgressions caused by others. We end up being held prisoner to our past. Achieving peace through the amends process promotes healing. It’s not about blaming others but understanding our role. Introspection is needed to establish our part in the transgressions.
Forgiveness
I was one bitter woman because of the actions from others. Forgiveness of others is key for healthy relationship, but my main problem was forgiving myself for my actions.
Mercy
Once I sought redemption I received mercy. Mercy is a gift and when we are given a gift it is to be regifted. Compassion is the result of mercy.
Christianity Vs. Naturalism
Finally, I make it clear that Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery isn’t a Christian book, but a recovery book. I differentiate Christianity vs. Naturalism. There is no right or wrong, but my recovery is Christian based which makes it a proven theory.
Reborn
Sharing my experience and that I was reborn following my spiritual death.
Spiritual Experience
It is for the individual to determine what they believe their god to be.
Tolerance
For someone who hasn’t experienced this “spiritual awakening,” it is easy for them to attempt to assassinate the other’s character, suggesting they are delusional or lacking intelligence, and to shame them as a self-proclaimed Christian.
My message comes with a warning: I write from the human perspective which deals with uncomfortable topics. Not only do I ask the non-believer to keep an open mind, but for the Christian to not be easily offended.
Jesus is the embodiment of tolerance. We are all sinners and Jesus chose to walk alongside the sinners. I am asking you to walk with me on this journey.
Chapter’s Conclusion
This diamond in the rough will not be created overnight. It will be an ongoing process. To create an exquisite gem, pressure is needed to refine my character to a pure state. God needs to cut and shape from the rough stone, creating facets which will eventually reflect His light.
Takeaway
Living on self-will is what gets us in situations that we cannot manage. For change to take place we need to be open to new ideas. Through inviting Christ into my heart I was forgiven and given a new heart. No longer did my past shame or actions define who I was but I am given the opportunity to create an ideal woman to strive to be and this is a gift we are all given.
Recovery Steps
Discuss steps one, two, three, eight, and nine.
Word Count
3380
Journal Prompts
Controlling Metaphor
I broke into large, jagged pieces. When I attempted to soothe my pain, the jagged edges pierced my hands. I became raw and was left fully exposed.
Think about what is needed for a wound to heal. Throughout the book I use the metaphor of an open wound and the need for healing. Do you have any wounds in your life that you choose to cover with a bandage instead of finding a remedy to heal?
Social Media
Has anyone ever cast stones at you or towards a loved one on social media? Write about it…
What did you do to initiate the attack?
Did your actions negatively impact them?
Consider what you would have done in my situation. Would you have retaliated?
Would you want to know who was involved in the commenting of the news?
Would you want to read what was written?
At what length would you go for revenge?
Tolerance
As humans we tend to live out our lives on self-will. It’s difficult to keep an open-mind when we have ourselves convinced that what we know is best.
Is what you think is best actually working for you?
Or are you open to new ideas and change?
Thank you for taking the time to follow my journey. If you have any suggestions that will help me as I revise my book please share!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13 ESV
As clay in His hands, the Potter is ever ready to mould us into what He pleases as long as we are willing and surrendered.