How often do you receive words that trigger an unhealthy response as opposed to reading a story that promotes healing?
Words that are misused have the ability to harm, while someone’s story has the power to heal. It was a book and it’s words that have stuck with me during the time of my early recovery. Prior to recovery I used my words to divide. Today I prefer to use my words with positive intent. Not only to be used verbally to lift others up, but in written form for continued healing.
As a self-help writer to make a lasting impression it takes our heavy feet, weighed down by our past, and to boldly step into our stories. One foot in front of the other I wrote eighteen chapters of my story, forging my own path to recovery. Then I wrote my introduction, followed by my conclusion.
Today I am ready to open up that manuscript and while maintaining most of the original content, make the necessary edits to switch the genre from memoir to self-help. This book is a labor of love, one that truly is the foundation of my recovery. It is my hope that this book will help another woman heal from her self-inflicted wounds.
Swallow Your Pride, a Writer’s Guide to Recovery
The Original Introduction with Edits
Daylight creeps in, waking me from the darkness that fills my mind. My mind is in motion, while my memories freeze still. The fragments of my consciousness, splinter into pieces and pierce my insides as I digest what I have done. The bitterness of the vile memories are lodged in the pit of my stomach. I desperately want to regurgitate the late-night events, purging them from my perfect life. If only my body would vomit the actions weighing me down. To cleanse me of the shame which continues to build.
There was so much anticipation. Everything was wonderful. The laughter was contagious. We did what any good hosts would do and fed our friends with an endless supply of alcohol. I’d waited fifty years to celebrate my half-century mark. I had much to celebrate.
My life is the envy of many of my friends. I am richly blessed. The kind of blessings the Bible warns us about.
“A faithful person will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished.” (Proverbs 28:20 NIV)
I roll out of bed and make my way to our living area to hear the familiar voices of the morning news. Waking up to my living nightmare, the world is in turmoil with absolutely no way to alter the society surrounding me. I am not welcomed by all. My husband, my faithful drinking buddy, is kind and loving, but my daughter has a look of disdain. Clearly, her recollection of my birthday party is quite different from mine.
– Memories from the day after my 50th birthday party, February, 2021
The Problem
Life happens, and it doesn’t give us much control over the outcome. As each day passes, we are expected to deal with a broken society, institutions working against us, and morally bankrupt people. We are forced to bend over backwards and take it.
My real problem was not the world around me but how I chose to deal with it. I was going through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems—me. I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in. I’d wake up, get caught up in the dysfunction of our world via network news and social media, work out, put in a couple hours of work from home, more social media and afternoon mind-numbing news, drink a glass or two of wine followed by dinner, cap it off with nightly news, and snoop into the lives of my social media “friends,” then repeat.
If I were my daughter, I would have been disgusted with my life as well. My life was lacking purpose. And my behavior was becoming as repetitive as my daily routine, failing to learn from my experiences.
The Solution
This book was born out of arrogance. In the past, I have written many monologues to belittle an adversary. Although passionate, my writing was not a constructive form of communication. It did more harm than good. But now, following a self-induced traumatic event, I have become more sympathetic to other people’s plights. We all have special God-given gifts. God is the Father of second chances, sympathizing with our human character flaws. He has given me an opportunity to use my writing to help others overcome their shortcomings and rise above. The Bible is my resource manual to guide my words, not relying on my own self will. The Scriptures are where I find comfort and the confidence to share my story.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16–17 NIV)
God is already using my experiences which are not pretty; actually they are quite humiliating. I am certain my most recent antics will top your most pathetic self-induced episode. Knowing we are all human, you may find my struggles relatable. I decided to throw myself under the bus to be used as an example so we can work through our faults together.
Be prepared. The delivery of my message is unique. My hope is that it will not only help you but entertain you! As my mind has become polluted, allow me to share my heart through my story. My heart will be sensitive to your plight and vulnerable enough to expose my own struggles.
Shame is a continuous theme woven throughout my story. I am not afraid to get into the ditch, get a little dirty. I won’t even ask you to get your mind out of the gutter. I will meet you there and together we can climb out. Be prepared to get sucked into my story. It might make you feel dirty, shameful at times. I am a visual person, so my need to use imagery to guide my words to bring my story to life is necessary. Otherwise, my message will get lost in translation. My message is too important. It has the power to ease your daily anxieties and soften the blow of life.
Although alcohol abuse and addiction are key issues addressed in my story, this book does not condemn alcohol use but exposes our defects contributing to our need to take a drink. I will share the methods I apply to my daily living, aiding me to live with my addiction. It may not be necessary for you to go all in and still be able to enjoy that glass of wine, but not be driven to drink uncontrollably.
The Problem
At the age of fifty, I did not recognize my reflection in the mirror. Which begs the question, how well do we know that woman staring back at us? Are we wearing a mask as an attempt to fool others while only fooling ourselves?
The Solution and the Promise
What I hope is to help you peel back the layers of yourself, to expose your true identity. Like dicing an onion, it will be uncomfortable. And, like me, you may shed a tear. May you find a woman, who is unabashedly unafraid to remove her mask, and finally be at peace with the beautiful woman God has intended for her to be.
***
The Plan
To deliver my message, I write from different perspectives. The reason being that as we encounter certain situations in life, depending on how strong our foundation is at any given time, we may react differently. My self-help book is written as (reads like) a speculative memoir, sharing examples and what if’s. All of these different perspectives will offer a new way to look at addiction and temptation.
The first person point of view will share my experience during a difficult time of my life; the second person point of view, which is your role, inquires about how you may handle the situation; and the third person point of view creates a fictionalized girl we will name Jezebel, who represents our daily struggles. She is a character I’ve cast my shame upon who represents our flaws. She will be our scapegoat. Her antics will bring your fantasies to life. Or perhaps you will choose to sympathize with her. She is a woman struggling with her faith but has a desperate desire to better herself. Jezebel will need an antagonist, of course. You will meet Casanova, a fictionalized version of a real person, whose weaknesses strengthen the girl’s character and challenge her recovery, by tempting her.
More importantly, I write from a human perspective. We humans are fallible and all deserve grace. My writing style is not for the faint of heart. It is hard to digest at times, because the shame behind our behavior, addiction, and/or temptation is tough to swallow. When I share a lust-filled storyline, it is the part of my memoir that represents a lurid romance between these two fictitious, broken characters, Jezebel and Casanova, addressing the struggles of women and men who face temptation and addiction.
It is important to humanize addiction, focusing on the people struggling rather than the addiction itself. As we age, we are surrounded with temptation, challenging our addictive personalities. As my relationship with Christ developed, I transitioned from girlhood into womanhood. This woman has been armed with the power of the Holy Spirit to combat her addictive behavior.
As I share my story, you will find my journey isolates me from my loved ones. During my time away to heal, my husband was not present, and I was forced to heal with strangers. Their actions could have had a negative impact on my healing if I had not had a strong spiritual foundation in God.
Alcohol was not present during my period of recovery, so sexual addiction will be used in lieu of alcohol to represent the power of temptation. At times, Jezebel will represent temptation, the drug, and Casanova will represent the addiction, the addict. Other times, she will succumb to temptation, not being able to resist his advances. The interaction between these characters will help you understand the challenges that we as humans face. We live in a world where sin surrounds us. We will fall victim if we are ill-equipped, and the result is living a life full of shame.
Since I use fictional characters based on real-life people, out of respect for their anonymity, I will not reference anyone by name but will solely focus on what I have learned from my engagement with them. The people involved during my time of initial healing have made a valuable impact on my life for which I am grateful. While breaking my own anonymity, I encourage you to share your story with others so that together, we can continue the chain of healing.
(New Content) Recovery doesn’t just happen overnight and healing happens over a period of time. There is an order and it is ongoing. This book will highlight the steps of recovery so you can implement them into your healing. At the end of relevant chapters certain recovery steps will be addressed.
Journaling has allowed me to relive my past. Seeing my thoughts and actions in my written words has helped me process and deal with my emotions. I will share journal entries that created a spark for my writing, for example, “April 10, I did not realize how my younger days are still so much alive in me.” Placing my flawed self on paper allowed me to view myself for who I was. Journaling prompts are included to evaluate your life. Make sure to keep a journal handy and express yourself freely. Read and then write what resonates with you. You’ll need to reach into your memory bank, deep into your corrupt mind, gathering the moments which have caused you shame and place them on paper. It is time to deal with those moments, get rid of the weight of the shame holding you down, once and for all.
I will also reference certain women in the Bible. These women all have a relevant story to share, which I will draw comparisons to our own lives. Many of these women have a colorful past but one thing in common: as each woman sought redemption, they were granted the grace they so desperately desired.
And since music has been very therapeutic during my time of recovery, I want to share some songs with you that may help you identify with my journey, to feel what I felt during this period of recovery. Songwriting is like storytelling. A good composer will help you feel a song much like a good storyteller. Song lyrics are subject to interpretation, much like the written word. Listening to music makes me feel alive, where a glass of wine puts me to sleep. “Like a G6” by Far East Movement would be appropriate for my introduction. I encourage you to Google the song and sing along.
***
A Writer’s Guide to Writing an Introduction
The Purpose of an Introduction
Not all books include an introduction, nor should they. An introduction is important for a self-help book because it sets up the expectations. Before making an investment with time and money we want to make sure the book is right for us and it will address an urgent need.
In this post I will bullet point key information and share in bold face, areas addressed in the introduction.
An introduction serves as:
introducing the topic
Use writing to overcome our shortcomings and rise above. A Writer’s Guide to Recovery will walk the reader through the steps of recovery by journaling.
urgent need
Waking up to my living nightmare, the world is in turmoil with absolutely no way to alter the society surrounding me. I was truly desperate for a peaceful resolution in my life and didn’t understand that I alone have no control over my surroundings only how I choose to show up.
establish credibility
I am a “Karen,” a storyteller, and I would like to share with you how my life experiences, good and bad, shaped the woman I am today–a woman who can finally walk with her head held high, humbled by life’s turn of events. What you, my reader, needs to understand is that you don’t need a degree but simply the willingness to change your lifestyle and courage to take on yourself. This book will meet the reader where they are at in life.
prepare the reader
My writing style is not for the faint of heart. It is hard to digest at times, because the shame behind our behavior, addiction, and/or temptation is tough to swallow. The woman who is a devout Christian might feel uneasy because of the subject matter, while the woman who chooses to live on self-will might be uneasy with the scripture references and surrendering to a higher power.
connect with the reader
I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in. Swallow Your Pride, a Writer’s Guide to Recovery isn’t just for the alcoholic but the woman who struggles with her daily living. By sharing my story, not only will I entertain, but make healing tolerable for those who seek it.
provide an overview
Within the body of the introduction is listed the key elements of the book. Different perspectives will be employed. The use of fictional characters are an unique plot device to illustrate the struggles we face. Journaling prompts and discussion questions related to the steps of recovery will conclude each chapter. Women in the bible are referenced to apply historical context to the modern day struggles we face. And music therapy is encouraged.
The Structure of the Introduction
The structure of an introduction is dependent on the writer’s style. Some writers want to jump right in and introduce the topic. Other writer’s prefer to seduce the writer with a relevant story.
My choice is the latter, start with a relevant story. I will employ storytelling throughout to compel you to turn the pages. A change I made to transform the book from memoir to self-help is to utilize headers. The blog-like structure will introduce bite size pieces of information that is organized.
What Should Be Included
the problem
My real problem was not the world around me but how I chose to deal with it. I was going through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems—me.
the solution
What I hope is to help you peel back the layers of yourself, to expose your true identity.
the core promise
May you find a woman, who is unabashedly unafraid to remove her mask, and finally be at peace with the beautiful woman God has intended for her to be.
The Themes
Each chapter will highlight a theme that will point back to the problem of addressing character defects and our identity crisis.
Alcohol and Addiction
The book is geared towards the woman struggling with her alcohol and using it to cope with life. Addiction is broad and covers more than just alcohol. The addiction to self is even more powerful and prevents us from seeking recovery.
Pride
Pride is the central theme. We are the source of our problems, not the alcohol.
Relationships
Relationships suffer when people are in need of recovery. Swallow Your Pride, a Writer’s Guide to Recovery has a heavy focus on family, being a wife and mother; and friendships. We learn from others and grow out of those relationships.
Coping Mechanisms
While this book is written sharing my “Christian-based” recovery the focus is discovering what works for you, the reader. I will share a variety of coping mechanisms that work together.
Shame
It is our shame-filled past that debilitates us and prevent us from seeking recovery.
Identity
Swallow Your Pride, a Writer’s Guide to Recovery is a self-love work book.
The Conclusion
Writing memoir verses self-help the message and structure differ. Swallow Your Pride, a Writer’s Guide to Recovery is a memoir with more than just a message, but an instructional guide for healing. It is written for the woman who hasn’t fully stepped out of denial, but interested in change.
Each Substack post will highlight a chapter. The post will share the introduction and conclusion to ensure flow of the book. The body of the post will outline the relevant information. The goal is to bring awareness and encourage through journaling much needed healing from our past by introspecting our own lives.
The end result not only will you see a transformation in your own life, but together we will transform a memoir into self-help.
Concluding Paragraphs
Conclusion
One important lesson I learned during my journey is to be thoroughly honest. Full disclosure: I wasn’t big on lying to others in the past, only to myself. There I go again, lying to myself. To be transparent, let me be clear…I am not a licensed therapist and have no formal training to solve your life crises. I have not earned a certificate, though some might claim I am certifiable. I am a “Karen,” a storyteller, and I would like to share with you how my life experiences, good and bad, shaped the woman I am today–a woman who can finally walk with her head held high, humbled by life’s turn of events.
And, if someone as self-absorbed as myself can strive to better themselves, I assure you it is possible for anyone! Raise your glass, it’s time to Swallow Your Pride.
Journaling Prompts
How well do you know yourself?
Who or what do you consider the source of your problems?
Do you struggle with life, using alcohol or another unhealthy coping mechanism as a reprieve from your everyday living?
How does pride show up in your life?
Do you question your spirituality?
Recovery Step
If you made it this far, perhaps you have accepted that you indeed are the problem. Good job—you have stepped out of denial.