Shame On Me

A Writer's Guide to Recovery

Oct 08, 2024

Alcohol consumption has perpetuated a continuous loop in my life, as if I were in a movie–never a matinée, but a late-night horror flick. Something terrible happened, something that left me feeling ashamed. There was a smell, a whiff of bitterness. Was it the film deteriorating that caused that acidic scent? Or was it the churning of the alcohol simmering within me, bringing hopelessness and despair to the surface?

The pungent scent was a shot across the bow, warning me it was time to act, to preserve the life left unlived. Unresolved shame was corroding my story. My heart and soul were still untouched by the humiliation of past events, and I needed an event to usher God in so He could make things right. There was something going on behind the scenes preparing me, offering me hope.

We are human, and as humans, we have all made poor choices in our lives that have brought us shame. Shame will destroy us from within if we do not seek grace. Grace allows us to live a life of peace. Peace is available for all if we accept our faults and fully surrender.

– A recurring dream as if foreshadowing what is to come

Chapter Synopsis—Shame On Me

Exposition Chapter

In Chapter Two, Shame on Me, I share background information to set the stage for my much needed transformation. The main focus is on the ten years prior to my recovery (my 40’s) and how when we don’t resolve our shame it compounds. Living on self-will I was unable to save myself, which leads me to my higher power.

The previous italicized script is the introductory of the chapter, highlighting a few of the themes. I learned from a webinar with a literary agent that up to 10% of sharing content is acceptable prior to seeking publication. Each post I will include the chapter’s introductory and conclusion.

The body is detailed in an outline format. Below is the central argument and the chapter outline should strengthen the argument. Finally, the conclusion is to wrap up the chapter and lead into the next chapter.

Central Argument of Swallow Your Pride

I went through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems–me! I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.

Theme

Shame

A continuous thread in my life is shame. It was woven into my early childhood and because I did not deal with my shame it reenforced how I saw myself as an adult. Shame is what contributed to my prideful behavior and the need for change.

The Bible story of Adam and Eve is used to draw comparison to how we handle shame and how it impacts addiction. Instead of accepting responsibility for their sins, they cast blame. They used fig leaves to cover and conceal their shame much like I used alcohol.

My life appeared idyllic, Rockwellian, even. But as it turns out, my life was less than picture-perfect. To understand where it all went wrong, we need to start at the beginning. Not my beginning, but the beginning of mankind, as told in Genesis 2:25 (NLT), “Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”

Backstory

It is important to understand someone’s past to appreciate their journey. In recovery it’s about listening to other people’s stories. Within their stories we seek understanding and learn compassion.

Coping Mechanisms

Healthy coping mechanisms help us deal with life as it unfolds. I turned towards alcohol because I lacked faith. It is easier to blame others than looking to my past and dealing with my unresolved shame.

Theme Song

“Losing My Religion.” R.E.M. Producer Scott Litt is representative of this stage of my life. The use of music resonates with those I share my writing with.

A Unique Plot Idea

Throughout the book two fictitious characters make an appearance. Jezebel is introduced in Shame On Me. She represents my alter-ego and the antagonist.

Jezebel’s actions will represent our sinful nature. She rears her ugly head and demonstrates temptation.

Swallow Your Pride’s Goal

In the end, it is the goal for my character to be symbolic and represent hope for many others who struggle with addiction.

Chapter’s Conclusion

Basically, I was sailing right through life. Literally! I earned an ASA sailing vessel certification following my fiftieth birthday. The problem was that this captain, me, should not have been allowed anywhere near a helm. I wasn’t capable of navigating the stormy seas of my own life, let alone a crew.

For many years, my life was calm, but a furious storm was slowly approaching. Much like the book-based movie The Perfect Storm, the churning from within along with the turbulent seas, was creating my own perfect storm. I was in need of a lifeline, but over the years, as I reached for the rope, it kept slipping away from my hands. My hands became raw, and the shame from within was seeping through, burning as I tugged. I would be unable to save myself.

As we ride the waves together, let’s allow them to erode the surface of our lives to expose our true selves. Then we can fully surrender our flawed selves to the only One who can calm our storms—Jesus.

Takeaway

Unresolved shame cripples us. It’s painful to reflect on our shameful past which keeps us in a vicious cycle of hurt and dependency. We don’t want to look at ourselves as the roots of our problem. It’s easier to cast blame on others. In the end it’s up to us if we are going to surrender and strive for a peaceful resolution.

Word Count

2537

Journal Prompts

Do you have unresolved shame in your life?

What are your past transgressions that have shaped who you are today?
Have you allowed the words from others to create your identity?
Do you find yourself blaming others for your actions?
What coping mechanisms do you have in place?

Verses

At the conclusion of each chapter is an opportunity to reflect on the Bible verses.

“Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:25 (NLT)

What does it mean to be naked and not ashamed?

When we are naked it is when we are most vulnerable and fully exposed. If I am not ashamed then I am not hiding anything and sin is not present. At the time Adam and Eve lived in the garden they were both in a state of innocence. Just like children they didn’t exhibit any disgrace while being naked. The two were not conscious of any sin so shame didn’t have an opportunity to creep in.

“Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures.” Titus 3:3 (NLT)

Titus 3:3 is in the past tense, representing life before being a Christian. When you think of your former life or your current environment how does it make you feel?

I don’t know about you but my behaviors: binge drinking, gossiping, and pride made me feel shameful and are not good qualities to possess. This verse is a reminder of our own transformation when we accept Christ into our hearts.

Thank you for taking the time to follow my journey. If you have any suggestions that will help me as I change the genre of my memoir to self-help please share.