Role Play-Player Beware

For the sex addict and alcoholic, not to mention the typical housewife.

Do you ever feel as if you are a puppet performing your way through life?

Lights, camera, action…

I am on center stage, alone in the spotlight. I peer out to the audience, into a sea of darkness. I am the star of my own reality show. A morality show, a show that is to test me, the protagonist, of my moral character. Will I follow the Director’s lead and choose the godly life, or will temptation lead me astray? Will I lack compassion, not be proven trustworthy and unfairly judge others? How will my performance shape my character?

There is a cast of characters, played like puppets—the antagonist, the confidante, and the love interest. The script is painstakingly prepared. The Director strategically places just the right people at just the right time in my life to serve a purpose. The cast of characters are operated by the master puppeteer, each with significant roles to aid me in my recovery. What role will the Director plan for each of these characters?

I found myself at what best can be described as a theater camp. The stage is set in southern Florida, at a spiritual rehabilitation retreat. The main idea is that I am at a crossroad, given an opportunity for a new way of life. Which path will I choose? The road less traveled by the righteous, or will I continue on the collision course, the heavily traveled road?

– Dramatization of my time away at rehab

Chapter Eight of Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

“Role Play” is Chapter Eight of Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery. Each week on Substack up to the beginning of February a chapter will be shared. The original book written as memoir is being transformed into a self-help book. To read the full introduction see A Writer’s Guide to Recovery and for previous chapters reference A Writer’s Guide for Recovery in the menu tab.

Central Argument for Swallow Your Pride

I went through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems–me! I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.

“Role Play” Chapter Highlights

A reprieve from my everyday life and family was needed for healing. “Role Play” shares my thirty-day stay at rehab. It is the experiences from rehab that have provided the foundation for my recovery and mending of my relationships.

Themes

Relationships

God places just the right people, at just the right times, in our lives.

This statement became evident for me while away healing with strangers. It was during a time when my immediate (family) relationships were suffering. Each person that I rehabbed with played a purposeful role in my healing.

God surrounded me with the people, the cast of characters, which had the greatest impact on my personal growth.

God’s Purpose

Boundaries, addiction substitution, exploitation, gratification of the flesh, and the art of seduction each were valuable lessons that needed addressed during my time at rehab. God doesn’t tempt us but uses our weaknesses to strengthen us.

And God was very purposeful using others to expose my flawed self so I would be able to seek a path towards healing, utilizing my flaws to aid in my character growth.

Transformation—Girl to Woman

There is an overarching theme in Swallow Your Pride and that is personal growth. Prior to changing my lifestyle to embrace recovery I viewed myself as a child. During the times I abused alcohol I considered my friends as “girl-friends,” today I hang out with women. The progression of my story clearly shows the growth.

Theme Songs

Music was often played while in rehab. Spiritual music was encouraged but secular music is what the group preferred. It is amazing how a song and it’s lyrics can take us back in time.

Salt-N-Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex,” was a topic that was discouraged but when rehabbing with substance addicts, sex appeared to be a convenient alternate.

Howard Jones song, “No One is to Blame,” illustrates temptation, the impact the drug or a person can have on another and how it’s part of the human experience.

New Order’s “Love Vigilantes,” represents the period at the end of my stay when I was ready to return home to my family.

The Problem

As humans we are slaves to sin. You can remove one temptation to simply be tempted by another temptation. Inappropriate behavior in the form of seduction and gossip each are sins I didn’t even consider being a problem.

When a person hits rock bottom they are in their most vulnerable state. Choosing to spend time at rehab among strangers is difficult, even more difficult is rehabbing with the opposite sex. When I planned a get-a-way to deal with my drinking, I didn’t consider that I would need to concern myself with something other than alcohol.

God uses all situations and people to strengthen our weaknesses.

…Casanova spoke directly to my wounded ego. And for a middle-aged female dealing with major insecurities and a stale marriage, it didn’t take much to have an attractive man captivate my attention.

The Solution

The apostle Paul who appears to have been the expert in powerlessness and unmanageability in regards to sex is used as an example. Romans 7 in the Bible deals with sexual sin and adultery.

The Role of the Parent

There were parents of small children at rehab. They were taking a reprieve from mother/father-hood to work on themselves. Up to ninety-days is the sacrifice many had to make for repairing relationships from their addiction. And not everyone was able to commit.

As a stay-at-home mom I successfully raised two daughters but I was failing as a mother. Spending time with the other young adults highlighted areas that needed improvement in my parenting.

• Perfection

• Judgment

• Forgiveness

• Gossip

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Chapter’s Conclusion

The curtain falls and I am no longer alone, a light shines down offering a path of hope for my future. God’s presence is with me as I reflect on Casanova, his actions and the impact they have on my vulnerable state. I discovered just how susceptible we are to temptation and how important a strong foundation is when tempted so we do not succumb to the sin. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV).”

My memories from my time at rehabilitation have contributed to my healing. I will share how these experiences have contributed to my growth in the upcoming chapters.  

Takeaway

My thirty days in rehab was the most transformational period in my life. During my early recovery reflecting on my encounters with others and the impact each of those people had on my healing is profound.

Word Count

7108 (873 words are takeaway, journal prompts, scripture verses, and recovery steps)

Journal Prompts

We are not shaped just by our experiences but by people. Each person has a valuable role on how they impact our lives. And there are times we are more vulnerable to certain exchanges.

1. Do you ever feel as if you are a puppet playing a role in life?

2. How can the weaknesses of others strengthen you?

3. Have you found yourself easily tempted by the opposite sex during a time when your marriage or an existing relationship isn’t healthy?

4. How well did your foundation hold up to the temptation?

Scripture Verses

At the conclusion of each chapter is an opportunity to reflect on the Bible verses.

“And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.” (1 Timothy 2:9 NLT )

In today’s culture, starting at a young age females tend to dress risqué and then question why men gawk. Do you blame the man for his reaction? Do you or have you ever dressed a certain way to elicit a reaction from a man?

“Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words.” (Proverbs 2:16 NIV)

Generally, I do not use words of seduction in every day conversation. Do you ever find yourself speaking with the opposite sex engaging in inappropriate conversation? Even if it is with your spouse and another couple?

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28 NIV)

We also communicate through the eyes, not just using words of seduction. Do you know what it is to guard the eyes? Did you know that the eye is the gateway to the mind and heart?

“But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.” (Romans 7:23 NLT)

We are aware of our sinful nature but yet our bodies crave the sin. Do you find yourself having inappropriate feelings even though you know they are wrong? What do you crave that is sinful?

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:1–5 NIV

What I noticed is a few of the friends who were quick to judge my behaviors, lived just as I lived but didn’t get caught. Do you find yourself judging others and are you aware of your underlying motives for judging?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Colossians 3:12–13 NIV

Instead of acting out of our sinful nature against another person we can choose forgiveness. Is it easy for you to forgiven others unconditionally?

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”

Proverbs 18:13 NLT

To often I didn’t consider the facts before making a judgment, instead basing my comments on preconceived ideas. Do you remain quiet unless you can back up your opinion?

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV

When drinking with friends in the past some of my behaviors were not representative of being a woman. What are some of the childish behaviors you need to (or have) put to rest?

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

We are all subject to the same temptations and some people succumb while others resist. What temptations have you recently been able to resist? And what have you succumbed to?

Recovery Steps

• Step One - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

• Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

• Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

• Step Four - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

• Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.