When I write my words start to flow, finding their own rhythm. Like on autopilot my words spill out and my thoughts are spewed across the screen. At first these words tend to take on their own senseless meaning until I reign them in.
To effectively sell myself as a writer I need to be concise with my message and that is where I am falling short. It’s time to slow down and understand what it is I am trying to say.
Have you mastered how to sell your writing to a professional?
My Mixed Message
Swallow Your Pride
Or Your Shame Will Eat You Alive
HOOK
Karen, a real housewife who never thought her life worthy of reality TV, discovers herself at rehab in the arms of a stranger only to find pride standing in the way of her recovery.
SUMMARY
With an identity lost during her child rearing years, alcohol brings out the rebellious girl from her past. A night of debauchery leads to her arrest, and Karen finds herself desperate to put that girl to rest. She decides sobriety is the key, so she heads to rehab on a journey of self-discovery.
For the first time at the age of fifty, Karen finds herself alone to heal with strangers. Leaving behind a stale marriage and fractured mother/daughter relationship, God surrounds her with His cast of characters. It is there where that same rebellious girl, cast as Jezebel, makes unexpected appearances, challenging Karen’s recovery. Over a thirty-day period, her childlike self wages war against the woman she has become. The girl has no shame and will need to be dealt with once and for all. What the girl does not know is that the woman has unconditional love from the Holy Spirit. What the woman does not know is that her younger self has an unlikely ally—Casanova, a man willing to feed her ego.
Swallow Your Pride is a character-driven novel that tells the story of Karen Esbenshade’s journey through early recovery. Ironically, the weaknesses of others strengthen her character. Her story humanizes addiction and the power it possesses on its victims, including their family members. This book will leave the reader questioning the role untreated alcohol abuse plays within their own family and if they, too, can overcome their alcoholic behaviors.
This past week I had an opportunity to zoom with an actual agent. In preparation I shared the hook and summary for Swallow Your Pride, expecting a rave review. With little fanfare her interest was simply to educate me in the publishing process. Our intentions for the meeting did not align, but I walked away with valuable insight that illuminates my path forward.
The Cause of the Confusion
A book proposal is a tool that the writer shares with an agent to sell the book to an editor. It needs to be clear and concise.
After review of my hook and summary the agent was not impressed. She clearly communicated to me that “I” have caused confusion with my words. Consider this post a guide of what not to do when sharing your pitch and synopsis with an agent.
Evaluating My Message
To get to the root of my problems and understand her perspective I need to rip into my writing. Not just re-read but break it down. Then I will be able to reconstruct my message, reenforcing it with her teachings. My four problem areas are as follows:
Misrepresenting Swallow Your Pride
Genre
Terminology
Point of View
Know Your Book
When I wrote Swallow Your Pride it was during the first eighteen months of my recovery. I shared a period of my life including the results of a detailed introspection of my character. I found healing through writing the book, by being vulnerable and truthful to myself.
My first attempt at creating the book proposal I focused on my book being a memoir. Once I started to review what I thought were my competitive titles I discovered something was amiss. The other alcohol memoirs did not read like mine. For many alcohol memoirs the blame is placed on the alcohol, where as Swallow Your Pride, attacks my character. But, yet the focal point of my proposal remained on the alcohol, not me.
How is an agent supposed to sell something that clearly isn’t represented well?
It could be viewed as a speculative memoir, but is so much more. Swallow Your Pride is a self-help book that uses my memories and delusional thoughts as examples highlighting my flawed character so others can relate. Together we can create the ideal person that we can strive to be. The summary should align with the genre and mine did not.
Know Your Genre
A year ago I wrote the previous summary and should have updated it to reflect the self-help genre.
Agent’s Note: Why do you call Swallow Your Pride a character-driven novel when it’s genre is labeled a memoir?
The synopsis demonstrates my storytelling by incorporating memories from my time at rehab and fictionalizing a character that represents my alter ego. The storytelling is used to reveal my flawed character and the challenges addicts face.
In the book’s introduction I clearly layout how these elements work together but in the proposal my language is confusing. The book reads like a character-driven novel but it isn’t solely a memoir or novel.
Mixed Messages From Using Incorrect Words
I already inadvertently referenced my memoir as a novel and used other language that doesn’t align. Each word has meaning and a purpose, not to be used interchangeably. The words I use in the excerpt above that are incorrect: Character-driven and novel.
Agent’s Note: When communicating with a professional in the field of publishing, make note of the correct terminology to use.
A memoir by nature is character-driven. When I reference the characters it is not just me, but the fictitious figures Jezebel and Casanova. The focus is not just my transformation, but theirs as well, rather than the plot or external events.
Point of View
Most book summaries or the synopsis is written in the third person, which is how I wrote mine. But a memoir is different, because memoirs are usually told in first person and should reflect that in the proposal. Jane Friedman mentions this criteria in How to Write a Novel or Memoir Synopsis.
Agent’s Note: Why is your memoir called Swallow Your Pride and then the summary written in third person?
Also clearly illustrated in the introduction and throughout the book is the different uses of point of view. When I share my memories it is done in first person. The second person POV is employed for the reader, self-help and the third person POV, Jezebel, who represents what not to do.
Summary Clearing Up the Confusion
A Writer’s Guide
One Google search for tips on writing a summary for a book proposal will list conflicting information, so I find it best to find a reliable source.
, my go to educator on all things writing, offers a book proposal template in Start Here: How to Write a Book Proposal. This template is a good start and should be tweaked to meet the agent or publisher requirements.The constructive criticism the agent shared isn’t what I hoped for, but I was reminded when reading
’s book, The Lemon Tree Mindset, that we should turn rejection into redirection. Llorca-Smith , Veronica. The Lemon Tree Mindset : 19 lessons to reinvent yourself (pp. 46-47). Kindle Edition.The gist of my message is that Swallow Your Pride is more than just a memoir, but chronicles my early recovery, applying the practical wisdom I gleaned along the way. The storytelling is an added bonus to make my self-help suggestions easier to digest.
Swallow Your Pride: A Writer’s Guide to Recovery
After thoughtful consideration and writing out my problems the subtitle of Or Your Shame Will Eat You Alive, has been changed and now reflects the self-help genre, A Writer’s Guide to Recovery.
Swallow Your Pride
A Writer’s Guide to Recovery
HOOK
Karen, a real housewife who never thought her life worthy of reality TV, discovers her flawed-self on centerstage to rehabilitate alongside strangers only to discover pride standing in the way of her recovery.
SUMMARY
With an identity lost during my child rearing years, alcohol brings out the rebellious girl from my past. A night of debauchery leads to my arrest, and I find myself desperate to put that girl to rest. I decide sobriety is the key, so I head to rehab on a journey of self-discovery.
For the first time at the age of fifty, I find myself alone to heal with strangers. Leaving behind a stale marriage and fractured mother/daughter relationship, God surrounds me with His cast of characters. It is there where that same rebellious girl from my past, cast as Jezebel, makes unexpected appearances, challenging my recovery. Over a thirty-day period, my childlike self wages war against the woman I had become. The girl has no shame and will need to be dealt with once and for all. What the girl does not know is that the woman has unconditional love from the Holy Spirit. What the woman does not know is that her younger self has an unlikely ally—Casanova, a man willing to feed her ego.
Swallow Your Pride reads like a character-driven novel and tells the story of my journey through early recovery. Ironically, the weaknesses of others strengthen my character. The story humanizes addiction and the power it possesses on its victims, including their family members. This book will leave the reader questioning the role untreated alcohol abuse plays within their own family and if they, too, can overcome their flawed behaviors.
Please share my publication to help me grow!
A Guide to Living
As humans its good to have guides to keep us moving forward, so we can continue to grow in life. During my stint at detox and rehab I am sure the others viewed me as a book worm, because I kept my nose in a book for the course of my stay. It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way, by Lysa TerKeurst is the book that I credit for my writing journey.
Books have the power to change lives. It isn’t just reading another person’s story, but healing is found in the written word. If I wasn’t spotted reading, the others noticed me journaling. Swallow Your Pride: A Writer’s Guide to Recovery is the self-help book that will pick the reader up out of the gutter, help her face reality and then she will discover the beauty within her flawed self.
The Bible is my guide for continued inspiration. It is my hope that my writing inspires you and you can learn what not to do along the way!
Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.
Joshua 1:8 NLT
As someone who has been rejected by publishers many times, I can totally relate to this and it's great you got such constructive feedback. In my case, I wrote a memoir, The Flight Home and I worked with a coach for 6 months+ to change a lot of things. In particular I struggled with:
- The POV: how to keep it consistent throughout the story
- The message: what's in it for the reader
- Creating an attractive pitch that talks to the right readers
- Finding the right gender
It's all part of the learning journey, Karen, and I love how you are using this feedback to grow.
Looking forward to our session!