I Grew Up

The transition from girl to woman.

Songwriting is like storytelling. A good composer will help you feel a song much like a good storyteller. Song lyrics are subject to interpretation, much like the written word. Listening to music makes me feel alive, where a glass of wine puts me to sleep.

- Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

Phil Collin’s song “In the Air Tonight” is an excellent musical prelude to this chapter. I can hear the drum solo leading into Jezebel making her appearance.

Effortlessly Jezebel flows into the center of the crowd like a soft gentle breeze in the still of the night. The fabric of her dress drapes over her body, sealing the purity of her heart. With each movement of her body, no pride or self-will are propelled from her vessel. She is overflowing with His Spirit. He is pleased.

Her body was wrapped in a cloak to conceal the darkness of Casanova’s desires. She once represented what he craved, lust and harmful substances. With a glance, boldly, she gave him a stern warning. The empty words he once spewed, no longer were able to deceive her. She no longer was lured by his actions. No longer did he crave her flesh but had a thirst for the Spirit. She is grateful for the gift of her sexuality, preserving it.

Without notice He was hovering above her. She felt His breath softly on her neck. She inhaled deeply, the breath of His Spirit. Filled with His Spirit, she never felt more alive. Her beauty was a radiant light from within. Through the light, she was no longer bound by the darkness of her past addictions.

– The transformation of the Holy Spirit dwelling in Jezebel

Chapter Nine of Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

“I Grew Up” is Chapter Nine of Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery. Each week on Substack up to the beginning of February a chapter will be shared. The original book written as memoir is being transformed into a self-help book. To read the full introduction see A Writer’s Guide to Recovery and for previous chapters reference A Writer’s Guide for Recovery in the menu tab.

Central Argument for Swallow Your Pride

I went through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems–me! I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.

“I Grew Up” Chapter Highlights

“I Grew Up” is a climatic chapter in the book. Jezebel makes an appearance, representing the transition from girl to woman. Vulnerabilities are exposed and a strong foundation is necessary prior to implementing the healing process for the chapters to come.

What I was unaware of is the bandage would be ripped off to expose all my past wounds for full healing.

Themes

The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit takes residence in my heart. It’s one of those things in life that you don’t understand until experienced. I can barely blame others who are skeptics of Christianity which is why testimony is important. “I Grew Up” shares my experience with my heart changed by the Holy Spirit and when you break it down, it’s easy to understand.

1. Being convicted of our sin.

2. Our sin-filled life dies.

3. The manifestation of God in our hearts through the Holy Spirit leads us to a new life.

4. Continue to grow in our relationship with Christ and live out God’s purpose for our lives.

Preserving Our Sexuality

Even with the most solid foundations, men and women can stray from their marriage vows. The temptations of the flesh are powerful. Referencing the Christian household helps to remain faithful to our spouse.

Transformation—Girl to Woman

There is an overarching theme in Swallow Your Pride and that is personal growth. Prior to changing my lifestyle to embrace recovery I viewed myself as a child. During the times I abused alcohol I considered my friends as “girl-friends,” today I hang out with women. The progression of my story clearly shows the growth.

Theme Song

Phil Collins, In the Air Tonight is the musical prelude for Jezebel’s transformation from girl to woman. In the chorus Phil calls out to the Lord. The Holy Spirit makes an appearance in this chapter.

The Problem

Jezebel wakes up and her appearance challenges my recovery. Will I remain steadfast to my faith or tempted by the flesh?

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Chapter’s Conclusion

Over the coming days, my past, childlike self, waged war against the woman I had become. What the girl did not know was this nurturing mother would be armed with unconditional love from the Holy Spirit. The girl had no shame and would need to be dealt with once and for all. What I didn’t know is my younger rebellious self would have an unlikely ally. Casanova.

Takeaway

The temptations of the flesh are powerful and when a marriage is based on a weak foundation the chances of infidelity are strong.

Word Count

2259

Journal Prompts

Not everyone who is a self-proclaimed Christian has had a sudden transformation.

1. Do you understand the transformation of the changed heart by the Holy Spirit?

2. If you are a Christian was your conversion sudden or gradual?

3. If not, does having a relationship with Christ interest you?

Scripture Verses

At the conclusion of each chapter is an opportunity to reflect on the Bible verses.

“Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18 NIV)

Alcohol is often used for coping, where people find a false sense of peace. A healthy alternate is to build a relationship with Christ. Where do you find your peace? After a stressful day is it an alcoholic beverage?

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians 5:3 NIV)

To strive to be a Christian means that our behaviors should reflect God’s desire for us to remain holy. Do you notice the transformation in Jezebel? Do you exhibit any of Jezebel’s pre-transformation self-seeking behaviors?

“Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient” (Ephesians 5:6 NIV)

A weakness I had at rehab was my insecurities and looking from validation from others. I appreciated words of affirmation, even inappropriate comments. Do you seek out inappropriate words from others to boost your ego?

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the LORD. Live as children of light” (Ephesians 5:8 NIV)

Our sins keep us in the dark. When we desire a life that embraces the Holy Spirit, we shine a light on our vulnerabilities and the result recovery is a reflection of our healing. What are you hiding in the dark that you need to shed a light on?

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the husband of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:21–30 NIV)

This scripture is packed with spiritual truths that foster a healthy marriage. Submission is something that many women struggle with, but it’s important to understand that submission isn’t just for the wife to submit to her husband. Do you understand the reference of the husband loving his wife just as Christ loved the church?

Recovery Step

• Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.