Pick Your Poison
Pick Your Poison
A Writer's Guide for Recovery
Chapter Four - Pick Your Poison
There is a girl who I once knew. As a young child, she felt like a grown up with her friend, Shirley Temple. As the years went by, she was warned to stay away from the Red Headed Slut.
In her adult years, she would get Salty around her Rim, eventually learning how to Mix-in well with others. She could easily dress up the occasion, known to be quite Cosmopolitan, and other times Pop her open, just to chill.
In the past she would have enjoyed a little Hanky Panky, but as she matured wouldn’t mind getting Extra Dirty. Sometimes she enjoyed a little Sex on the Beach, eventually settling for a Breeze on the Bay.
Call her Old Fashion, she liked the taste of a Buttery Nipple, but it wasn’t really her thing. She ended up falling in love with the Tequila man.
Her dinner companion was her best friend, Kim Crawford, but would drop him just like that when Bailey came around for dessert.
One too many and she would end up with a Mind Eraser. In the end what she found most refreshing was a Tall Drink of Water.
Her friends like to get Bloody with Mary on a Sunday morning, while it was the Blood of the Lamb that saved her. And it wasn’t Mary’s little lamb, if you know what I’m saying?
– The bio of an alcoholic
“Pick Your Poison” is Chapter Four of Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery. Each week on Substack up to the beginning of February a chapter will be shared. The original book written as memoir is being transformed into a self-help book. To read the full introduction see A Writer’s Guide to Recovery and for previous chapters reference A Writer’s Guide for Recovery in the menu tab.
Chapter Synopsis—”Pick Your Poison”
Educational Chapter
Swallow Your Pride’s Chapter Structure
While in most chapters I keep the theatrics to the introduction and conclusion the body is reserved for the message. As a creative writer I enjoy bringing my story to life by seducing my reader into each chapter and enticing them to read the next. Creative expression is to help the reader relate and find joy in a piece of literature that’s main goal is to educate.
The previous italicized script is the chapter’s introduction is a poem that illustrates my alcoholic past. I learned in a literary webinar that up to 10% of content is acceptable to share prior to seeking publication.
The body is detailed in an outline format. Below is the book’s central argument and the chapter outline should strengthen the argument. Finally, the conclusion wraps up the chapter and flows into the subsequent chapter.
The Publisher’s Note
While Chapter Four isn’t the longest chapter in Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery, it is well over the average word count. The publishers noted concern about the layout and length of this chapter, “Pick Your Poison.”
Related, the editor will address the flow of content within each chapter, ensuring that each chapter introduces the topic, organizes the content in a logical fashion, and concludes the lesson in a coherent way. A good example of this problem exists in chapter 3, “Pick Your Poison.” This chapter covers a wide range of topics, such as the medical definition of an alcoholic, different types of treatment programs, and defining “recovery” versus “recovering alcoholic.”
The solution to the flow of content within this chapter is to add the headings and sub-headings to guide the reader to the section that will benefit them. Questions and evaluations add to the length of the chapter which could be removed with links added to direct the reader to a website, but I prefer the questions to be visible to the reader.
Self-Publishing Basics: Book Chapter Headings and Subheadings is a good resource to help with creating a professional looking self-help book.
Central Argument
I went through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems–me! I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.
Themes
Honesty, Addiction, and Recovery
The art of seduction is similar to an addiction both can trigger the release of dopamine. Throughout the book love addiction is used in lieu of alcohol. Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated? explains this phenomenon and that addiction is so much more than a drug we ingest.
Before we can label our addiction and create a plan to recover we need to be honest. Step One in recovery is to accept our lives had become unmanageable.
Theme Song
I encourage each of you to listen to Coldplay’s song lyrics, “Hymn For The Weekend,” to be seduced right into this chapter.
This past weekend while at a party, drinking my Samuel Adams, Just the Haze, non-alcoholic brew a man struck up conversation with me. He shared that he doesn’t drink during the week, but likes to let loose on the weekend. At one time I too was a weekend crusader, until eventually I found myself drinking a glass or two of wine through out the week.
Most of the people I drank with were also weekend binge drinkers. Just because someone reserves their drinking for the weekend doesn’t mean they are not alcoholic. Alcoholism has as much to do with how the alcohol (or alcoholic behavior) influences us, then how often we consume it.
Chapter Outline
Women and Alcohol
Resources for women and alcoholism. During my time in recovery I have learned that women have unique problems when it comes to developing alcoholism. I have friends who did not start drinking until well into their adult years and once they did, alcoholism grabbed hold quickly.
Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery is appropriate for a book group to encourage women to speak openly about how they use alcohol. The book is meant to engage and provoke much needed conversations on how we use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Although it is my hope that women struggling with alcoholism will pick it up, women who are honest with themselves, already stepping out of denial will greatly benefit.
Action Plan
Honesty
At the conception of writing this chapter I had a well known recovery speaker, Judith R., critique “Pick Your Poison” to receive her professional opinion. She acknowledged the work that I put into the chapter and that it is cleverly written. From Judith’s experience as an active alcoholic she would have never read anything regarding alcohol recovery and questioned who my audience might be.
To be upfront with you, it was difficult to determine if I was an alcoholic, and, at times, I still question, “Am I an alcoholic?” As I write and you read, we can figure it out together. To start we need to define the alcoholic and if it applies to us or them, and then we can find a way to overcome our addiction or help our friend.
The statement above baffles Judith, because she questions how after being involved with alcohol recovery I still question my drinking. The answer is time. It takes time to get to know ourselves and identify the problems that led to our alcohol abuse. Information is needed, but it is an openness to doing the work that will lead us to the truth.
Create the Ideal Woman
A journaling exercise at the conclusion of the chapter encourages us to paint a picture with words of the alcoholic. Through out the remainder of the book character defects are the focus. Once we expose all of our defects we can start to create the woman we strive to be.
Picture this: a girl who is dressed to the nines. Appearing overly confident, driven by her arrogance. Her friends comment she is smarter, wittier as she drinks. Can you only imagine how boring this girl is when sober? She goes through her day as a productive member of society, knowing her reward will be that one glass of wine (or maybe two). She has everyone fooled, for they drink right along with her, so she can camouflage her addictive behavior. She wakes up in the morning, shameful, pleading to drink like an adult, only to repeat her behavior.
The Alcoholic
This is where the education begins. An understanding of the following terms and assessments to help determine if you indeed have a drinking problem or are an alcoholic:
AUD Alcohol Use Disorder
Alcoholic Vs. Problem Drinker
Diagnosis
Controlled Vs. Binge Drinking
Abstinence
Treatment Options
No two alcoholics or problem drinkers are the same. Treatment plans are tailored to meet medical, spiritual, and physical needs. The following are options:
Medical Assist
Support Groups
Treatment Centers
Recovery Vs. Recovered
Once a diagnosis is made and it is established that you or your friend is an alcoholic, then it is about managing the disease. There is no cure. To be recovered the obsession has been removed, but most people live with the disease. Even though they do not drink, alcoholism is an active part of their being and requires lifestyle changes to remove the daily obsession.
There is no cure, just daily effort to curtail the mental obsession to consume alcohol. Implementing the lifestyle, which includes step work, helps these individuals maintain sobriety while improving their character.
Today I refer to myself as a recovered alcoholic. I have discovered what my triggers are and what is needed to keep me symptom free from alcohol abuse. But tomorrow is a new day.
Character Improvement
Another key term is “the dry drunk.” A dry drunk is someone who chooses to stop drinking, but not do the work needed to live a fruitful life.
The reason why I choose to focus on character defects in Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery is because my problems stem from my past, not the alcohol. It is my past that has shaped my character. The alcohol just exasperates my problems.
The Different Types of Addiction
Alcohol abuse is just one of the many addictions. Our behavioral addictions are just as damaging than the substances we ingest. We need to work on each area of our lives to maintain true sobriety.
Thanks for reading Grow With Karen! If you know someone struggling with alcohol please share this post.
Chapter’s Conclusion
In lieu of a Bloody Mary to ease me into the day, I now choose the blood of Christ. His sacrifice atoned for my sins. I choose to forgive others and offer grace for their addictive behaviors. I hope to encourage others to look inward, identify possible triggers that lead to their addictions, and seek to better themselves.
Takeaway
There are so many people like myself who go through most of their adult life questioning if they have a problem with alcohol. For many they don’t even know what it is to be an alcoholic. Alcohol is only a symptom of something greater and work needs done to remedy their problems. The first step is to be honest and then the investigation begins in hopes of living life to the fullest without the need for a substance or behavioral replacement.
Word Count
5016
Journal Prompts
Take a moment…Consider what an alcoholic is:
Write in your words what she looks like. Does she look familiar?
Take the assessments and answer the difficult questions, and remember to be truthful.
If you don’t identify as an alcoholic or problem drinker, are you struggling with other substances? Prescribed medicines and food are other addictions. And, don’t forget the behavioral addictions, do they show up in your life?
Verses
At the conclusion of each chapter is an opportunity to reflect on the Bible verses.
““Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.” (Titus 2:3 NIV)
At the age of fifty I certainly wasn’t living out this ideal. It isn’t just to much wine that is the problem, but our behaviors. How often do we demonstrate to our children these bad behaviors?
“Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,” (Ephesians 5:18 NLT)
Once I welcomed the Holy Spirit into my heart, I simply replaced one spirit with the other. Focusing our lives on the Fruits of the Spirit and not the liquid spirit is where I find fulfillment. Are you open to learning more about faith-based recovery?
“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.” James 1:13 (NIV)
God doesn’t tempt us to sin, but we are tempted by our own desires. What are the daily temptations you struggle with?
Recovery Steps
This entirety of this chapter is available for anyone who is interested in learning more about alcoholism and addiction. Please comment with me your contact information and I will forward “Pick Your Poison.”
AA Steps One, Two, and Three
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.