We are shaped by our past.

Not defined by it.

The article voiceover of “We are shaped by our past but not defined by it,” is part three of my testimony. To fully understand my message first listen or read Part One, Part Two and then finish with this full post.

Did you know that within someone’s past is where we find the understanding of who they are today? That is why it is important to listen to other people’s stories. So, listen up, the answers as to why I write and share to the Substack community are within my story.

Being Shaped, Not Defined By the Past

My adult-self is shaped by my past. The insecurities from my childhood turned into my prideful behavior as an adult. The result of this pride-filled behavior are my poor choices and it is those choices that led me to my redemption.

I truly sought mercy and received the gift of grace. God had gifted me with a clean slate and a new purpose in life. No longer did I see myself as an insecure, broken woman but a woman with hope.

Today I sit in the circle sharing with others how the past has shaped me, but no longer am I defined by it. Through my writing I offer hope to others who feel defined by their past. Once we break free from our past, then we can start to live a fruit-filled life.

How Insecurities Turn Into Pride

Have you noticed that obnoxious bully, the one that belittles and makes you feel less than? Well… that wasn’t me, but a person who is insecure and showing up as pride. Pride shows up differently for different people.

I chose to wear a mask of perfection, because I didn’t want others to view me as I saw myself. As a grown woman I was still that insecure little girl who didn’t want to deal with her past. It was much easier to wear that mask.

Pride keeps us stuck attempting to hide our true identity. It keeps us from seeking help because we don’t want to acknowledge our flaws. It takes courage to deal with our past and to be vulnerable with others. Pride also wants us to appear important, more so than others, because deep down we still feel broken.

Listen Up. I have a past to share.

Through out the month of October I am sharing my testimony on Substack. All I ask is that you take a listen. This is no easy feat for me, because I am extremely insecure with my verbal presentations. If you choose to listen to my story you will understand why.

Your Testimony

The Author of Your Story is a newsletter that promotes healing through writing. On Substack I encourage those who have had a transformative event in their lives to write and share their story. We can offer hope to those who are in the midst of their struggles.

Subscribe for free to receive The Author of Your Story, weekly writing prompts.

Part Three

My name is Karen and I am a grateful believer.

My life was shaped by my childhood. The treatment of my father towards my mother, the relentless bullying throughout my childhood, and sexual exploitation created the young woman I had become.

I was defined by my past.

This is Part Three of my Testimony

On top of that as a child, teenager and young adult I did not develop coping skills to deal with life. My solution into my late teens was alcohol. Drinking alcohol was a reprieve from life.

Although I had my first drink sometime in my early teens, it wasn’t until my late teens that I started to really enjoy it. I received the liquid courage to break out of my shell and soon discovered that when I drank I felt better about myself.

The alcohol defined who I was.

Before my mid-twenties my life took a turn for the better. After a night of binge drinking at a party with friends (which happened to be the first night I crossed paths with my future husband), my vehicle was left on a pile of rocks and I found myself in my own pit of despair,

Psalms 40:2 NLT He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Later that night my solution in a drunk stupor was to pray to God for a healthy relationship. Six months later my prayers were answered and my husband, the same man who I crossed paths with on that fateful night, entered my life for good.

This was a pivotal point in my life. I developed a relationship with a man who enjoyed life as I did with a little extra fun in a bottle and we surrounded ourselves with like minded people. Blessings abound, we married, we had a home (2 to be exact), business success, and I gave birth to two healthy daughters. God had been good. I truly felt blessed because finally God provided everything I thought I needed in life.

I took nine months off, fully abstaining from alcohol, twice in my life to give birth to two healthy daughters. I functioned very well and considered myself a productive member of society. I drank alcohol for entertainment but did not allow it to control my life.

Being a wife and mother started to define who I was.

At that point I attended church regularly. We even taught Sunday School. I considered myself a Christian, but always questioning what it was to be an actual Christian. I vowed to put my family first, not understanding the importance of building a foundation on Christ.

I had a purpose as a mother and had structure in my life. I contributed to the household working as a kitchen designer and volunteered in the community. As my daughters matured into young adults our life started to change. My husband retired from a demanding job far too young and we were given too much freedom.

I started to lack purpose and started to notice alcohol filling a void in my life. I knew I had a problem but was unable or perhaps didn’t want to fix it. Following a night of binge drinking with friends I would pray that God would remove that obsession, only to find myself binging the following weekend. We attended church occasionally, but our main focus was maintaining our carefree lifestyle.

As each year went by and life happened around me I started to have trouble dealing with my everyday struggles. Bitterness from what I perceived as a broken society, one working against me consumed me. Alcohol was always present to take off the edge.

It was society who determined who I would be.

The material blessings multiplied. All of life's necessities were met, but I was empty. God had gifted me with an abundance of time and I did my best to waste it. My days were consumed with listening to meaningless banter from talk radio and in the evenings drinks with my husband and oftentimes our friends.

On March 17 my life caught up with me. My self-will told me that I could live life as I saw fit. Taking for granted all of the many blessings bestowed upon me over the years. I viewed the other people in my life and society being the source of my problems. Something happened that I didn’t see coming. The insecurities stemming from my youth turned into something more damaging than even the alcohol I once consumed. Pride made an appearance. I wore a mask of pride to conceal what was really going on inside of me.

It was my pride that defined me.

The pride told me that I was no longer that insecure girl but a person who was better than the others. I put my life on a pedestal because no longer would I let anyone else judge me. I developed a false sense of worth.

Following an exact year of being quarantined because of a pandemic I hit my rock bottom. I went from spending all of my time with my husband, my drinking buddy, to living among strangers to find myself. My relationship with my husband and daughters was on the brink of destruction and God’s timing was perfect.

On April 6, 2021, I needed to be humbled before the Lord and I was desperate for salvation. I was alone, away from my family and God had me right where He needed me dependent on Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 GNT, I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

It was time to implement God’s plan.

I learned more about myself in thirty days at rehab than in my first fifty years of life. My character defects became apparent during the time away while rehabbing among strangers. The months that followed I started to embrace my flawed self, just as God made me.

I started my recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous  and after eighteen months of abstinence I no longer felt comfortable saying my name is Karen, I am an alcoholic. Instead I discovered that what was lacking in my life was a relationship with Christ. My AA sponsor introduced me to Celebrate Recovery.

My relationships today are stronger than ever. I still maintain my friendships from the last thirty years and view them as gifts from God. God places just the right people in my life at just the right times. And He gifted me with all of you, my recovery family.

The gift of time that I once squandered today I choose to write and share with others how Christ is working in my life. I attend my weekly recovery meeting and work at a pregnancy center where I have the privilege to work with mothers who are struggling with their addictions.

Today I have no desire to be the woman I once was. For God is creating an ideal woman that I strive to be. She is overflowing with the Holy Spirit and not the liquid spirits she once binged on. I lost that desire to binge but choose to remain in recovery because life continues to happen and Celebrate Recovery is what works for me.

No longer do I allow my sexuality, my past, alcohol, my role as a wife and mother, society and my pride to define me because I am a child of God. Today I prefer to say “My name is Karen and I am a grateful believer.”

Remember you may be shaped by your past. Your past might even dictate your choices, but you are not defined by it. We are all here together for a reason and that is because of God’s-will for our lives.

What or Who Defines You?

I found my identity in Christ, no longer am I that insecure broken child but a woman who is growing in her faith. I stripped off that mask and spend my time choosing to be humbled each day. I don’t let others or our society to define me.

The antithesis of pride is humility and humility is received following salvation. I am grateful to receive this gift and that is what motivates me to be that better person.

Is your past keeping you from living your best life? It takes courage to take on the past, but know if you choose to do so you don’t have to go it alone. Find a support group or work one on one with a trusted mentor and remember the past doesn’t define you.

Your Story

I’m ready to hear your story. How did you overcome you past? Share your testimony to Substack and remember to tag me so I can understand who you are today.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13 ESV