The problem isn't the alcohol, but the drinker.
An honest discussion on alcoholism.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that alcohol isn’t a problem. It is, but it doesn’t have to be.
The last four years I’ve been active in recovery. The last fifty-four years and currently I am a victim of alcohol abuse.
My Childhood
The problem isn’t that I grew up in an alcoholic home and witnessed my father abuse my mother, but that it took me fifty years before I did something about it.
Abuse isn’t always black and blue. Alcohol related abuse is just as painful for a child as other types of abuse. The scars aren’t always visible because they run deep. The cycle perpetuates itself until it’s broken.
The abuse that I experienced stems from alcoholism, but it’s not the alcohol that was the problem. My father had experienced his own childhood trauma and I don’t think he ever recovered. Not only did I endure the abuse he handed my mother but his internal struggles that manifested into his alcoholism.
My Current Situation
The Behaviors
The problem isn’t that my husband drinks alcohol because it doesn’t get in the way of his everyday living, but it’s how alcohol changes him.
Alcohol affects people differently. It doesn’t even need to be present for the alcoholic behaviors to take over. It’s about the unresolved issues that lead us to that first and continuous drink. The alcohol exasperates our poor behaviors.
Alcoholic behaviors are not attractive. When I would drink alcohol in excess my ego would present itself. I don’t like the person that I became. She isn’t the ideal that I strive to be.
Society’s Problem
The problem isn’t the business of alcohol, because not everyone misuses alcohol, but the flippant behavior of society’s view of alcohol. We live in a culture that promotes alcohol as a recreational activity with little regard of the impact it has on our society.
Lines get blurred between what is acceptable vs. risky behavior with recreational drinking. Most who have problems with drinking live in denial, finding it easier to numb the pain with the drug. Like any addiction, alcohol is an easy sell to the addict.
My older daughter worked (currently transitioning to another company… thank goodness) for the last couple years in alcohol marketing. She built e-commerce platforms, wrote email correspondence, and created digital content for a leading beverage group in North America. She hasn’t spent any time in a room full of alcoholics.
Problem Drinking
The problem isn’t the alcohol, but the drinker. Not everyone turns into an alcoholic, but alcohol does impact our reasoning.
Drinking alcohol becomes a problem when a binge interferes with life. We should respect our body’s and not corrupt them with too much alcohol. But again alcohol is viewed as a recreational activity for many.
My youngest daughter is a grad student, succeeding in her studies. Her activity of binge drinking with her friends hasn’t interfered with her studies, but her behavior is risky and as a mother it worries me.
My Problem
My problem isn’t the alcohol, because I found what works for me to live with alcohol, but I struggle with the problem drinkers in my life.
My codependent behaviors constantly need addressed that is where I find help from my recovery groups. It’s the answer to my problem. Recovery is tailored to the individual.
We are not meant to fix other people. I can’t change how alcohol impacts my husband. Nor can I change my daughters and their recreational drinking. But I can decide how I want to show up.
Alcohol Recovery
The problem isn’t recovery, because recovery works, but the programs that want to convince people that alcohol is their problem.
Alcohol is a problem but a far greater problem is how we live in a society that refuses to place the blame where it should be, on us. To heal we need to get to the root of the problem and that is what groups like AA do.
Recovery doesn’t stop after the healing takes place, because life continues to happen. It helps to find your higher power and discover your divine purpose. It’s about changing your lifestyle and creating an ideal that you strive to be, not the problem drinker of your past.
It’s time to get honest with your drinking and your recovery. It starts with us. We break the cycle. Abuse it ends with recovery is another good read!
Finding the right group…
Everyone has a unique path to healing and recovery. I started in Alcoholics Anonymous but then discovered a deeper problem. I didn’t have a good foundation. Although I was raised in a “Christian” home I didn’t have a relationship with Christ. Celebrate Recovery provides healing from my past and fills my spiritual void. The focus remains on me, not the alcohol.