I don’t mean to be difficult.
Each day is filled with challenges, so why would anyone not choose to go with the flow of life? But, here I am making waves wherever I go.
The boat gently rocks back and forth, as I place the drink order with our waitress.
It is not just the threatening storm creating the tension, but I feel it radiating off my husband. He gave me a warning, “If she asks, the virgin is for Erin, she forgot her id.”
“May we please have two skinny oranges crushes and one virgin Pina Colada,” I politely ask.
“I have to confirm that your daughter is drinking the virgin Pina Colada,” She questions me.
My husband, overly annoyed, starts to complain about the waitress, “It’s such bs that she is carding Erin.”
When I mention, “She’s just doing her job.”
He starts to argue further. My daughter argues back, “The restaurants liquor license is at jeopardy.”
Then he says it, the O-Word, “Why do you have to be so obstinate?”
Anymore navigating a marriage in recovery I find myself and my husband at odds. The one task we successfully are managing as a team is our kitchen remodel. We are creating something beautiful together.
When it comes to my remodel I find there is beauty in going against the grain.
Calling All Professionals
Last summer, I invited several designer/salespeople into my home. I didn’t invite them over for tea but for an interview. My intent to find a partner to supply cabinets and make my dream a reality.
Each person I met with didn’t offer me a vision and couldn’t think outside the box. I had a kitchen that needed a remodel and although I am more than capable of designing the space, I always appreciate some objectivity.
As a casework designer myself, designing my own kitchen I should have known better. I should have simply shared my design and had them bid the job. Why make them work harder, when I know what I want?
Most people are not willing to go against the grain, because it’s much easier to go with the flow.
Going Against the Grain vs. With the Flow
Not to be difficult… But a good designer will be bold enough to go against the grain as long as the design flows. This is precisely what I did for my remodel and this approach doesn’t suit everyone.
The Beauty of Rift Oak
At first, I envisioned a blue and white painted kitchen. A deep blue color used for grounding and white to offer an airy feel. That idea was fleeting, because my eye kept gravitating to a wood specie that offered movement. I settled for a combination of painted, SW Anchors Away, and oak wood cabinets.
Since, I am being difficult, plain cut oak would not suffice. The style of my home is coastal contemporary and it is important for my kitchen to be a reflection of the rest of the home. This allows my spaces to flow. Rift sawn oak boasts a refined, straight pattern, that complements the style of my contemporary home.
Not only am I making demands on the type of wood specie that suits my taste, but my design goals were difficult for others to understand. A fellow designer would see me as an obstacle, making their job more difficult. When all they really want is their client to go with the flow.
Going With the Flow
One of my favorite design challenges is working with a small space and creating a work space that flows. And, again not to be difficult, I am a woman who understands design and knows how she intends to use her space. I had a vision and was looking for some reinforcement, not another woman to work against me.
I went into the client-designer relationship with an open mind, sharing my ideas, and clearly communicating my needs. When I introduced the concept of a corner sink, instead of the straight under the window sink where it was originally placed, one designer objected immediately. She was being difficult.
Now, I am one salesperson down. She didn’t want the aggravation of working with a woman who knows what she wants and with experience. The other challenge I presented was at the front window, how would I incorporate a desk space to bridge the gap between two work stations.
My solution is to create a third work space that matches the same angle as the sink on the opposing space. The counter placement offers a good vantage point of viewing the street, not dead on, but allowing us to see directly down the street to the beach. The work space is multi-purpose; desk space, additional food prep space, and a buffet area for entertaining.
Thoughtful Writing
A good design must function and flow. Equally important, in the end, my kitchen should offer a visual experience. This concept should not just be used in remodeling, but applied to other areas of our lives. When I wrote a book, I carefully crafted each chapter to flow from beginning to end, and each chapter adds to the central theme of my book.
I learned this concept early on from a Compel, Lysa TerKeurst teaching. Now I write each blog post with this idea to offer my reader a cohesive experience.
The self-help, speculative memoir, Swallow Your Pride isn’t traditionally written. It takes my reader on a journey of self-discovery. With the intention of not just educating but to entertain. A published author friend commented, “You break all the rules and it works!”
Swallow Your Pride isn’t just a book, but an experience.
The Beauty of My Recovery
Prior to making changes to my life, I really struggled with the world around me and the people. Through learning to process life and implementing coping skills I finally am at peace.
Challenges Within My Marriage
My husband adamantly opposed the desk workspace, because he felt the space did not allow for it. Now that the countertop is installed he understands my concept. It easily will be our favorite feature from the remodel.
At one time, my husband and I saw life and responded to it the same way. Over the last three years as I journey on my path towards recovery, I am starting to see life differently. My new perception of life impacts our marriage.
Overtime I am hoping he chooses to soften his views, so he can become more accepting of what he cannot change. Peace is available for him also.
Doing Life Against the Grain
Writing should flow, but adding just the right amount of interest or conflict will keep the reader engaged. Life is the same, we fall into a pattern of life that doesn’t allow for us to fully appreciate life.
When we are open to new ideas and experience how others choose to do life, we learn compassion and understanding. We learn to let go of our old ways and in exchange a peace settles in. It’s not about being difficult, but seeing different perspectives.
The Beauty of Going With the Grain
If you go against the grain, you get splinters, regardless of which neighborhood you’re from, what your parents taught you, what schools you attended. But if you embrace the way God does things, there are wonderful payoffs, again without regard to where you are from or how you were brought up.
Romans 2:9-10 MSG
For years I was closed minded to the teachings of the Bible. I lived my life on self-will and I found myself in a dark place. The Bible offers different interpretations, that are helpful, because most of us see life differently.
No matter where you are in your spiritual practice, the Bible is a good start to help shape your message. When I struggle and need inspiration I find it in the Bible.
There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek.
Romans 2:9-10 ESV