Shame it's such a dirty word.
Wear it proud as a sign of courage.
Guilt and shame are such heavy words. Do you ever notice the weight of your actions?
When I originally wrote this post, November of 2022, it was like opening up an air valve and letting the words slip out. Do you know that feeling of relief?
What I discovered is that the words provided healing, not just for myself, but others. My social media friends who also were lugging around their past finally felt set free.
Shame is a word that people gravitate to. It’s messy and entangles us, tying us to a past that is to painful to put behind us. And, prevents us from acknowledging the pain that brings forth healing.
Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers,—stern and wild ones—and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Chapter Eighteen, “A Flood of Sunshine”
of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter
The Importance of Shame and Guilt
Shame the Feeling
Shame is a natural feeling that stems from internalizing, it’s how others view us.
The night of my arrest left me feeling ashamed. I couldn’t get past not just what I did but how I felt. It wasn’t just about me but how other’s viewed me.
Shame the feeling I am a bad person. An emotion derived from my actions, determined to devour me from the outside in.
It’s not just the shame that eats us alive, but the guilt that weighs us down.
Guilt the Feeling
Guilt is a natural feeling from self-destruction, knowing what we do is wrong.
Following my arrest, I was consumed with guilt, knowing that the assault of a police officer is wrong. My actions left me consumed with hate, pure self-hatred.
The guilt slowly, paralyzed me from the inside out.
Once I came to terms with what I had done, the shame started to creep in.
My Life Preserver
Guilt and shame work together to produce the need to heal.
The events that took place March 17, 2021 up until the evening of April 6, 2021 were so powerful that they provided the immediate need for change in my life. Left in solitude and alone, God had me right where He needed me, dependent on Him.
God is very purposeful. March 17 was the catalyst to prepare me for God’s purpose for my life. I needed to feel the guilt prior to the shame. He sent his top gun in, Jesus, to save me.
Jesus made it possible for me to grow out of my shame.
Hester Prynne
Hester is a woman who wears her scarlet letter as a badge of honor.
Hester Prynne is the protagonist of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s, The Scarlet Letter. She is forced to wear the scarlet letter “A” as a mark of shame. In her case, the letter represents A for adultery.
A also stands for agony she endured for the humiliation and punishment from her local community. Following her A for atonement, Hester is gifted with redemption for her sin. The A evolves into the positive symbol for able, demonstrating her growth.
The context of the previous pull quote, “(a)Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers,—stern and wild ones—and they had made her strong, (b)but taught her much amiss,” from The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne. The first (a) part of the statement shares how shame, despair and solitude all contributed to Hester’s strength and resilience. And, the second (b) part warns that although shame can be a source of growth, it to can lead to negative consequences.
It’s about if we choose and how we respond to shame.
The Pinning-In Ceremony
Hester Prynne is an excellent role model as to how we can accept our sins, properly process our shame, and seek redemption, while taking control of our own identity.
It’s not about what you do or did. I cannot change what I did. And, what I did was not adultery, but the other “A” word, assault. It is who you are. I can change who I am, creating the ideal woman God intends for me to be and so can you!
Shame wear it proud as a sign of courage.
Click Growing Out of My Shame to read the original post on my grow-together blog.
Shame surely is no joke. Brene Brown has a few books about it which I have appreciated. It's insidious because you can feel it from within or feel someone trying to put it on you. None of us are immune! I wrote a poem about it called, 'Was walking home from school.' A great lesson for us, Karen!