Self-Seeking Behavior: When we allow envy and jealousy to steal our joy.

Expressing my real-time feelings.

I’m not sure WHO will read this… Everyone seems busy having a good time, not taking the time to check my feed to see what I have going on. This morning I succumbed to my temptation and hopped on Facebook to see who liked my most recent post.

When I noticed friends celebrating with friends. Each too busy to see that I published my paperback book. Don’t they know that it’s a time to celebrate me?

Aren’t they proud of how far I’ve come? I click to see who my likes are… The first like is from a girl I met in Kindergarten. She’s known me for 50+ years. Oh… and look… my daughter likes my post. She’s been with me her whole life!

I start to scroll to see what everyone else is up to… wow… he is clearly pissed and needs to read my book. Good thing he gave it a thumbs up. Oh… look… she recently published her book in Ebook format. I just ordered her print book. I wonder will she like my post and order my book in return?

My mind goes where it shouldn’t… who liked her book but isn’t liking mine? Envy starts rearing her ugly head. I resist temptation and don’t look.

I’ve been told it’s the algorithms. That’s why I don’t see your post… they offer, when I don’t even ask. I don’t need anyone’s validation so I keep posting.

Still why her and not me?

My resentment starts to build. Jealousy starts to creep in. My joy is being held hostage by my toxic mind.

And then you have the others… those who quietly share how my writing impacts them. The silent words that don’t need expressed on social media but hold such power. It’s the words that remain in our hearts that are most meaningful.

It’s why I share… not for the accolades but for the healing. When the feelings of envy and jealousy pop up it means I am a work in progress. It’s time to deal with my emotions and to write.

I don’t need you, nor do I need others to recognize my work. It’s an honor to share my thoughts to whoever they reach. So… I keep writing… because my words offer me joy.

If you haven’t heard… my book, Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery is available on Amazon!