Held Hostage by Fear

and a prisoner to emotions.

Everyday we wake, we have the potential to get caught in the crossfire called life. It only takes one instance and our physical life as we know it is over. I refuse to live my life being held hostage by my fears, but it is my emotions that I struggle with.

Surveying the brick structure, her eyes settle on that one hole that pierces the fortress meant to protect her daughter. The vulnerable plate of glass, a window into the life of a convict, is where she found the entry hole.

It only takes one bullet, when caught in the crossfire to shatter dreams. The broken glass that surrounds her on the sidewalk is a symbol of just how fragile our lives are. If her daughter entered her apartment building less than an hour earlier she could have been held hostage, while the other two tenants used gun fire to settle their dispute.

She will not be held hostage because she knows her fate.

When our physical time is up on Earth we can prepare ourselves to die peacefully. I am ready to die, but I am not ready for my daughter to die. That is where worry creeps into my life.

But she is a prisoner to her uncertainty.

When she returned home from visiting her daughters in Philadelphia the mother had separation anxiety. A few hours away with only a phone to communicate danger the mother felt helpless. What if the next time the neighbors have a dispute her daughter does get caught in the crossfire?

She will not be held hostage because she has tools.

Her first night back, out of concern, she asked her daughter to text her when she returned home safely from work. Her husband seemed unfettered by his emotions and commented, “I thought the new Karen doesn’t worry?” She had to explain that since she is human she will have emotions and that is allowed. What she needs is to process her emotions and not sit in them for too long.

But she is a prisoner to her worries.

It wasn’t her daughter’s trip home that worried the mother. The streets in Philadelphia are crime-ridden but that isn’t what kept the mother up the other night. Her worries set in at the thought of her daughter entering her four-unit apartment building. Flanking on either side of narrow staircase that leads to her safe haven lives two men who engage in nefarious activity.

She will not be held hostage because she can let go.

The gunfire took place at 10:30 pm, but it wasn’t until 1:30 when the daughter called her mother in a panic. The police showed up at the scene of the crime to investigate. She woke to the cops gaining entry to her apartment. Their response took them three hours. That is the result of the local government defunding the police.

Three hours can be life or death for your child if caught in the crossfire of criminals.

But she is a prisoner to her anger.

Safety of the citizens should be paramount in a city that is laden with drug crimes. The criminals have free reign to conduct their business and we are all held hostage by their actions. I am allowed to be angry, but I need to learn to properly deal with it.

It’s important to speak out and share a real-time story. It may not be my child or yours who actually gets caught in the crossfire, but timing is everything and it does happen.

A few years ago following my own arrest, the police showed up immediately. Although I don’t remember my arrest, due to my intoxication, I am grateful for their actions.

I hold no anger or resentment to the officer who arrested me because he was doing his job. I am angry that funding has been cut to protect my daughters who both live in Philadelphia. We have the power to process our anger, acting out of self-control and speak out of love for positive change.

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.