Emotionally Charged Writing: Expressing gratitude out of anger.

#1 on my gratitude list, "The freedom to be pissed off."

At the moment I’m pretty stoked (at the end of this post you will see why). However, last night when I first started to pen this post, I was writing out of anger. The temperature of my emotions seems to change with the wind and today it’s a bit gusty out.

Keeping Me Awake At Night

Laying in bed last evening my blood was boiling, thinking of who had done me wrong. My thoughts quickly changed from annoyance to positive the longer I laid in my anger. My heart filled with gratitude when I looked at each grievance from a different perspective.

My Anger List

1. When the State of Pennsylvania deliberately screws college students.

2. When the University won’t communicate the problem.

3. When my brand new dishwasher needs repaired.

4. When my yoga instructors suck.

5. When my husband gets irritated and turns into an a-hole.

6. When my computer sends me a threatening message.

7. When Substack acts as if I don’t exist.

There are a couple things on the previous list that anger me more than the others. Number 1 and 2 took my anger to the next level, the pissed off stage. For almost a year the State of Pennsylvania made the lives of many of the students and administration at the State Colleges and Universities difficult.

My Gratitude List

#1 on the list is “the freedom to be pissed off at the State Government of Pennsylvania.”

A well kept secret within the institutions is that the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Program, PHEAA, who is in charge of allocating military awards and financial aid to students, had a botched roll out. Following the botched roll out, they further blamed computer glitches for the reason as to why students were not receiving their disbursements to pay for their education. And it get’s worse… The Governor of Pennsylvania is using the budget as a reason to hold the funds hostage even longer.

I’m not going to dwell on this, but it has been causing immense hardship on many. See… PA state grant delays to read about the botched rollout; tech failures and delays; and State budget deadlock or take my word—the students and administrative staff are in a tailspin.

Long story short… My daughter joined the Air Force National Guard, a six year commitment, to help pay a portion of her schooling. It was a great experience for her, until this past Fall 2024, when the military awarded her the funds, but the state government reneged on their commitment of sending the funds to her school. This is enough to get any parent pissed off.

However, I’m grateful that our country offers young adults with alternatives to assist with college tuition. I’m grateful that I have a daughter who was willing to sacrifice weekends away from Penn State University, her undergrad, to serve her country. I’m grateful for the woman she is today for her time spent in the military.

#2 on my list is “the freedom to be pissed off at Thomas Jefferson University.”

This past Spring semester my daughter spent endless hours dealing with the school in an effort to locate her funds. The school played pass the buck sending her from one person to the next with no answers. It wasn’t until a Google search exposed the botch roll out when we learned of the problems.

This is when I stepped in as a mother. The last several weeks I’ve been contacting the school to seek answers. And, crickets. Not even a courtesy to explain the situation. I was fuming.

However, I’m grateful that my daughter was able to attend school affordably. She will have student loans to pay off but not nearly as much with this military payment. I’m grateful that she has had this experience to fight for a good cause. Through her experience she built grit and determination.

Sleeping Sound At Night

I’ve been sleeping a bit better lately because I don’t go to bed angry. My gratitude list far exceeds my anger list. With my new outlook on life and coping mechanisms I have had success turning my anger into gratitude.

Practices like yoga and writing both help with my coping. I find relaxation in yoga and writing offers a good outlet to release my frustrations.

My Yoga Grievance

Not all yoga practices and instructors are the same. It’s a lot like finding the book genre and author you enjoy. I’ve learned to be discerning with my yoga style and teacher. I get annoyed when I can’t get a good and enjoyable work out in.

However, I’m grateful that my 54-year-old body can hold a pose and flow from one position to the next freely. I’m grateful when Tanya’s playlist includes Katy Perry’s, “Dark Horse,” followed by “Ice, Ice, Baby,” by Vanilla Ice. I’m grateful that I’m forced to try alternative disciplines.

My Substack Grievance

Every now and then I post to notes and get angered when I get little to no interaction. My anger towards Substack should be directed towards me, not the platform. I can only be angry with myself for not wanting to spend more of my waking hours (now that I’m sleeping better at night) on notes engaging with others.

I’m frustrated that my growth isn’t what I hoped it would be. I question do people not like my writing? Do I bore them? What is wrong with me?! I get angry with myself.

However, I’m grateful that Substack offers a place for writer’s to congregate. I’m grateful to have a place to freely share my emotions through my words. I’m simply grateful to be here, just my authentic self!

Spreading the Good News

Just One More Grievance

I get frustrated when others thumb their nose at the Christian writer. We live in a world that easily angers us and I found peace within by calling out to God. There are so many people in and out of recovery because they haven’t found a solution. It saddens me to see people struggle when the answer is found smack dab in the middle of our hearts.

However, I’m grateful that I get to share what has worked for me. I’m grateful that we have choices, yoga, writing, meditation, and religion. I’m grateful that you have given me a chance.

Todays Good News

We need to live with anger. It’s part of the human experience. But we don’t need to act out of our anger. We are passionate beings and it is through our words that express our emotions positively.

Instead of writing from a place of anger, I can express my gratitude. With a solid, biblical foundation, I have a place to put my anger and anxiety. I’m grateful to be able to share this message with you!

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6 CSB