Death there's nothing darker.

Unless of course there is an estate to settle.

Death conjures up dark thoughts, when really it’s a peaceful transition from one life to the next. Unless of course you are doomed to hell because your actions on earth have been so egregious. Death there’s nothing darker unless of course there is an estate to settle, then all hell can break loose!

“How’s Jeff doing?” My girlfriend’s mother asks.

“It’s been an emotional roller coaster, not just mourning his dad’s death but dealing with his estate.”

“I set up a trust for Kimberly but haven’t assigned anything to it yet.” She confesses.

Hanging with my girlfriend’s mother at a book signing last weekend, we had plenty of time for conversation. She is a woman and artist who sculpted a successful career and raised her daughter as a single mother. Her interest lies in protecting her legacy for her daughter.

The mistake people make is that they set up the initial trust agreement and don’t follow through with their wishes.

The Selfish Side of Death

It’s inevitable when someone dies people are left disputing over what the deceased leaves behind. Death is a big business and impacts more than just the deceased. And if dealt with correctly will help avoid the greed and power associated with their legacy.

The Deceased

We are not immortal and we are all going to die. Planning for one’s death is a way to provide comfort and help to avoid conflict for their loved ones. Only one-third of Americans do estate planning, that leaves 67% with no plans. And for those who don’t think it’s necessary because they do not have enough assets, they are dead wrong.

Even with thoughtful planning, unless it is done properly, the wishes will not be met. The grantor needs to be clear on their wishes, from cremation/burial wishes to how the estate is distributed. There is a lot of stress when it comes to trying to figure out what the deceased wishes are when not placed on paper.

When the deceased doesn’t take the time to carefully lay out their wishes it causes conflict among their heirs. The simplest instruction will prevent much strife between the family members left behind. Estate planning is a self-less act.

The Family

With death comes grief. We all grieve differently. When we attempt to understand other people’s pain, we simply can’t walk in their shoes because each relationship is unique. On top of mourning our loved one, we are faced with the aftermath of dealing with an estate that includes multiple participants.

At birth a relationship is born. Over the lifetime the relationship is nurtured and a legacy is made. Not one person is entitled to another person’s life earnings but many families include planning to pass down generational wealth.

There are times, however, when the plans change. New family members show up and disrupt the apple cart. The primary family isn’t always welcoming to the newcomer because they are a threat to the legacy. Power and greed can start to creep in.

The Beneficiaries

The growing angst starts to create resentment and bitterness. The emotions start to take over. Demands start to be made by one party, placing others on the defense. The natural byproduct of unhealed hearts is selfishness.

The Legacy

Legacy per Oxford Languages: 1. An amount of money or property left to someone in a will. 2. The long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.

The Deceased

Creating a will or trust is needed to initiate your plans and to carry out the legacy planned for your heirs. Without thoughtful planning chaos ensues and the property will go into probate. Probate is the legal process involved when their isn’t a plan.

If the planning isn’t done thoughtfully it can lead to resentment and bitterness towards deceased. This impacts how children view their parents, negatively, because of the simple steps it takes to avoid costly court hearings.

Sometimes it is not so much the deceased who is to blame but how family members deal with the aftermath. Money is known to tear families apart. When the last thing a loved one wants is to sow discord over their death.

The Family

A healthy legacy is beautiful and when coming from a place of thoughtful intention there is no need for such strife. The problem is that not everyone is equal in the family. This makes it hard to decide how much and who gets what.

I don’t have the answer to fairness. I don’t know who deserves what and how to equitably distribute the estate. I don’t have the right to determine that over the deceased.

Families and relationships fracture over the death of a loved one, when what we should be doing is uniting. But that’s easier said than done. The uncertainty and emotions tend to take over and it impacts how the grantor is viewed following their death.

The Trust

We make plenty of promises in life and many of them are broken by the time of death. We place our trust in people and a government for security. It’s not that we can’t be trusted but even with the best intentions trust is broken.

Per AI, Trust, at its core, is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. It's a belief in their reliability and a confidence that they will act in a way that benefits you or is consistent with your expectations.

The instrument used in estate planning to provide for others is a trust. It provides the best protection for their legacy. It shouldn’t just be created but everything needs spelled out.

What is a trust?

A Trust is a fiduciary agreement that’s part of an Estate Plan. Traditionally, Trusts are used to hold assets for one or more Beneficiaries, and they may offer significant estate tax and other protective benefits.

The Sub-Trust

Per AI, A "sub-trust" is essentially a trust within a trust, serving as a specialized compartment within a larger trust, designed for specific purposes or beneficiaries, often used for asset protection, tax planning, or managing assets for minors or those with special needs.

Learning to Trust

When the grantor is alive they are not required to share their plans beyond their death. It’s no one’s business how they plan to distribute their wealth at their death. For those who have a good relationship with their loved one prior to death they need to learn to trust in the loved one’s plan.

It is up to the grantor to establish their plan and put the right people in place. Often it is the children who are responsible for fair distribution. There can be one person assigned the trustee or children equally placed in charge. Sometimes the children are bypassed all together and an independent institution is named the trustee.

It is up to the trustee to maintain the trust for the best interests of the beneficiaries. That gives the trustee immense power.

Trusting the Trustee

With power struggles it’s not always easy to trust the trustee. It’s the trustee’s job to follow through on the grantor’s intentions. The trust should lay it all out.

The trust is like a set of instructions that the trustee needs to implement. It might include the total dollar amount to be dispersed and a schedule. Or it might be a loose plan and doesn’t include details.

When the rules aren’t laid out the grantor assigns a discretionary trustee to work in favor of the beneficiaries.

A Discretionary Trust is set up for the benefit of a beneficiary or beneficiaries, but for which the Trustee is given full discretion. The Trustee decides when and how much funds are distributed to the beneficiaries. In turn, the beneficiaries have no rights to the funds held in the Trusts.

Putting emotions aside, the discretionary trustee has a very important job and needs to consider the welfare of everyone involved. It’s a thankless job and creates much stress. Decisions made should not be rash and not be made out of spite.

Trust In God

Greed, power, and resentments leave us dead to our sins. It doesn’t get any darker than those character traits. Emotions are powerful and need properly processed, and still they can turn into defects of character.

As humans it’s easy for greed and power to take over, especially when others place demands on a legacy. I don’t have the answer for civility but I do know it takes time and compassion for those impacted by estate distribution.

Trusting in God will offer the peace needed for the uncertainties and help with anxieties and stress in honoring the wishes of our loved one.

Suit Up

To defend, not to go to battle. War causes destruction and doesn’t leave any clear winners.

With An Attorney

Don’t place your full trust in an attorney. Attorney’s make mistakes. When a trust is made it is the responsibility of the grantor to review it and look for mistakes. Following death the trust is irrevocable and not allowed to be changed by anyone.

Irrevocable per Merriam-Webster are trust funds that cannot be dissolved by the people who created them.

Protect yourself from those who are on the attack with education and understand the terminology. Your best line of defense isn’t hiring an attorney.

With the Armor of Christ

Greed is the destructive nature of how many humans go about honoring the grantor’s wishes, if they are not coming from a healthy place. In the end it’s not about how much material wealth is accumulated but how we show up when it’s time for disbursement.

Power and control is given to the trustee. It’s just the nature of the job. But coming from a healthy heart will ease how to handle any and all distribution. The job is made much more difficult when others place demands and threaten.

The best protection comes with armoring ourselves with Christ which involves spiritual protection and strength through faith, righteousness, and the Word of God. This is a lighter and brighter way to handle the estate.

Note:

Consulting and planning with an attorney is the best course of action. My husband recently lost his father and is tasked with being the trustee of his estate. It’s not a job I would wish on anyone but at the same time I see it as one of the most important jobs to extend to your heir.

Learning about the process, from meeting with the paralegal, attorneys and financial planners, is very educational. As a writer of recovery fiction and focusing on generational dysfunction and g2 business my research allows me to write with confidence.

However, I am in the process of learning and writing through my experience. Each state is different and their are too many nuances for me to detail. The best defense is self-education, while placing your trust in God.